i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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