Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.