Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty

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  (609): i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty http://tfl.nu/sjep
  Replies (6) Good night (2699) Bad night (615)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations

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  (816): Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations http://tfl.nu/6ok5
  Replies (10) Good night (1444) Bad night (4079)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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  (845): I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt. http://tfl.nu/j6pk
  Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (2485)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

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  (+44): I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/7cvo
  Replies (21) Good night (8650) Bad night (771)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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  (512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm
  Replies (18) Good night (6242) Bad night (1314)
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  (626): View more from California

  Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.

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  (626): Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her. http://tfl.nu/fyts
  Replies (7) Good night (4100) Bad night (1508)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

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  (314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak
  Replies (7) Good night (4355) Bad night (820)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

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  (647): she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener http://tfl.nu/wmbx
  Replies (22) Good night (4034) Bad night (1902)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

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  (978): If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities. http://tfl.nu/pwci
  Replies (6) Good night (1829) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?

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  (740): Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom? http://tfl.nu/p5et
  Replies (9) Good night (1288) Bad night (695)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

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  (970): I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life. http://tfl.nu/eqcg
  Replies (21) Good night (1415) Bad night (1056)
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned

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  (+45): I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned http://tfl.nu/8ezp
  Replies (6) Good night (845) Bad night (446)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.

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  (337): I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working. http://tfl.nu/wijm
  Replies (4) Good night (763) Bad night (303)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea

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  (402): I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea http://tfl.nu/68eq
  Replies (2) Good night (388) Bad night (276)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days

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  (815): he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days http://tfl.nu/euqv
  Replies (1) Good night (254) Bad night (456)

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