When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on