I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.