dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.