My brain says no but my pants say off.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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