You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
