we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
