Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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