I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
