she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
