have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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