I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
