Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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