I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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