I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
