So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
