Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
