I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
