ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
