Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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