I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
