Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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