Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
