There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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