Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
