My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
