Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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