so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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