I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
