did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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