You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she peed on how many people?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
