Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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