Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
