The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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