Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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