On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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