it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
