If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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