1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I want to be your penis for a week.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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