You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
