a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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