i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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