He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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