So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fuck appropriateness.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
