Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize