why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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