just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My balls are so social today.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
