It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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