You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
