i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
