yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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