Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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