i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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