It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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