Already got asked if we're dating
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
