Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
