thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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