if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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