When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
