I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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