hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
