i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
