I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize