Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
