is your mom at the bar?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
