I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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