We're like a lot better than the average bears
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to fling myself into the sun
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
