Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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