...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
