After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
