lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
