if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
