pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
