and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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