I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
