U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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