I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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