I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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