Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
