I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
