you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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