2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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